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These two knuckleheads....
They are my challenge and my reward.
My test and my answer.
My growth and my decline.
But I'll take all the bad days, because I now know they came as a package deal with good days.
I need the bad days to know how good I really have it.
I am lucky to have two healthy, wild boys to call my own. I am lucky to have had two healthy pregnancies.
But the fact that I am lucky to have these two doesn't make the bad days any easier.
It doesn't take away from the fact that I have struggled to the point of tears, countless times.
That I have yelled, sworn, thrown things, had my own tantys, and felt like a total failure, doesn't take away from the wonder that is these two boofheads.
Perinatal Anxiety and Depression is an illness and it plays nasty tricks on Mums and Dads, making you feel worthless, unloved, unloving, like a failure, like a terrible parent, like the world would be better off without you.
But that is only the illness talking. Just as asthma makes you feel like you can't breathe, PNDA makes you feel like you can't DO ANYTHING.
But take it from someone who has been there. YOU CAN. You are doing an amazing job just by being there. By waking up today and by putting your feet on the floor, you are winning. By feeding the kids anything at all, whether it's breast milk, formula, cows milk or whatever you can throw together before you collapse on the couch. YOU ARE PHENOMENAL.
Never give up on yourself because you are worth it. Your family is worth it. And you all deserve to feel the sun again. You all deserve to smile and laugh til it hurts. You all deserve to climb out of that hole and for the sun to shine again.
NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF